i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
