ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
