So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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