Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize