for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He passed out mid-signature
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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