Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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