After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
