I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize