You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
