Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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