I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
