Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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