I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
