Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
