Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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