And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
