he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
