Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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