I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
