end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you had me at cake vodka
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
