Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
