ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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