The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
