The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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