You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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