Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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