i just sent this text using only my big toe
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
