Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
