god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
