Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
