would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
