history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
