Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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