Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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