I have demons in me.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
