This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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