I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
