4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
