Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
