I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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