i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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