I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Two words: nipple clamps
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