I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
