I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
