I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
