i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
