I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
