If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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