she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
