I love black thongs
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
