But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I am available for nakedness
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
