he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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