i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We had sex on a dog bed..
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize