The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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