good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
