HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'd cum for enchiladas.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
