Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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