Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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