Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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