community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
