Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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