im drinking this country out of the recession.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
