Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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