I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize