Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Terrible idea I love it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
