i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize