dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Vodka?
Forever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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