Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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