My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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